The Dream State Reality

A conversation with Laqeem Shabaaz

Laqeem takes us on a journey that starts with him being sectioned yearly. Today, Laqeem celebrates breaking the cycle of annual hospital admissions and leads a meaningful and fulfilling life. His story is one of perseverance, freedom and hope. He joins Sarah to share his journey and some key lessons with the MLXN community. 

Tell us a bit about your journey
I was 14 when I was first diagnosed with 'manic depression' (now labelled 'bipolar disorder'). I was diagnosed with something I never understood. Being given the label, I felt as though staff on the ward thought they knew me but they only knew a label they had applied based on a tiny window into my life. I remember feeling mentally and physically weak, and as though the nurses were trying to harm me. The cycle of being sectioned continued until six months ago when I realised a year had passed and I was yet to be sectioned. Alhamdulillah, it's been a year and a half and that cycle has finally been broken. 

What do you think contributed to you being caught in this cycle?
Not knowing myself and what I want. An identity crisis. Reflecting now, being black and the impact that racism had when it came to who I am and how I was treated. This all led to stress, anxiety, depression.

I'm sorry that was your experience and an experience unfortunately shared by many. It's a shame we often fail to consider the impact of racism on mental health so I really value that you identify and thoughtfully reflect on the impact it's had on you personally. What was helpful throughout your journey and particularly in the last year and a half?
When I became a Muslim aged 20, I felt like I had more strength. I was still sick but I had more strength. I didn't want to live before but after it made sense. Islam is a gift, even illness is a gift. 

In the last year and a half, accessing peer support and a mindset change have made the most difference. Going to Barbados recently and watching the sea, I developed a level of consciousness just looking at the water. It made me connect more with my wudhu. On my journey as a Muslim, I've found more inner strength lately.

What advice would you give to others who may be struggling or seeking to improve their wellbeing?

1. Pray on time.
2. Attend the masjid when possible. We live in a society that largely accommodates our prayers, there's no excuse and no need to hide. We should express gratitude by being consistent and open with our prayers. 
3. Ponder and contemplate. Read the Quran at every opportunity.

​Wise words with a wealth of blessings in each, mashaAllah.

JazakAllahu khayran for giving up your time to share your experiences and thoughts with us. May Allah continue to strengthen and honour you.